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Chris Fisch © 2000

 

 
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I don't know what all exactly the police still wanted, but I know that they were endlessly persistent about this that and the other. I think it was also that they wanted to be sure I came back for my court case, whenever that wasand that I really know and didn't forget for one second that I was still charged with the original charges. The translators voice was mumble moaning and hiccuping on and on and on, like it was never going to end. At one point my mother did a funny thing. She asked the two police officials if they had ever seen the film "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", which stopped them in their tracks and for a minute they actually stopped reciting their ceremony of paragraphs and endless police rap to look at my mother in total blankness and say "What??"
.
Apparently the translator, who seemed just a little bit more intellectual than the gorilla, had in fact seen the film and then they actually started to talk about it and (in my mind) I actually had to congratulate my mother for completely changing the subject. Although, I knew that this had worked only because they had some sort of mindless respect for her. Probably because they had the impression as well as my information that she was a "professional within the system", and I guess that they were somewhat in awe of her because she comes across like one too. (I'm sure if I'd asked them during my interrorgation if they had seen "Midnight express", they would have ignored me.)

The translator then even said: "Your daughter said that you work for the World Bank"

She denied this at first, saying that she worked for the UN and WHO, and that she had only been working on a project for the World Bank at the time of the protests. (Which didn't seem to make any difference to him, one thing we could finally agree on) He asked her how she was putting up with someone like me for a daughter and I unfortunately can't remember what exactly she replied, but surely it was something along the lines of what she had been saying all along.
He informed her of what I had told them during the interrorgation, which was that: "We keep to Dialog rather than War"

After the issue was cleared up that my lawyer would study my files and that I wouldn't forget that I still had a court case to come to, I think that the police may have actually left. Then there was arrangements made to get me transferred to a hospital in Austria. The consulate was starting to talk about different possibilities of ambulances and helicopters that could come to get me. It sounded all so horrendously expensive that I had to revive myself out of my floatation-tank like bed to say, loud enough to be heard, that I had a kind of "touring club insurance" which would cover this kind of transport. (Living in a van, this insurance has every year been an average of 3000 times its costs' benefit, because I've always used it so much, that I think they must really hate me by now). This made everything very easy and the consulate had to make only a few phone calls to arrange everything.

I realized that everything was happening, once again, completely beyond my control and I didn't like that too much. Nobody even asked me if I wanted to leave so immediately to Vienna. All my friends were finally here now and I was already being taken away again, and being a total vegetable I could do nothing about it. When I asked why I couldn't stay just a little longer, the
Consulates' position was simply to get me out of the country and out of this precarious situation as soon as possible, and basically I guess to him it also meant simply to "get the job done".

Another thing was that it was very important that I get operated as soon as possible. Basically what they were saying was, that with this kind of smashed bone constellation, under "normal conditions" they would've operated immediately, but they didn't do that because "we just didn't know what was going to happen with her" So now that everything was cleared up, and I wasn't going to be taken off to the police hospital, it was possible to proceed normally and do what was medically appropriate. That's why, if I was going to Austria, it would have to happen immediately, because it was very urgent to operate as soon as possible.

Dr.Lipska was still around as well. As far as I could gather she was getting on very well with my mother. They were deeply involved in conversation. I heard later from a friend, that they spoke a lot about whether I had been on some kind of drugs when I jumped from the window. I'm glad I didn't have to listen to this kind of nonsense or would've totally flipped out.

I can't say exactly what kind of a person this Dr.Lipska was. Definitely she was very strict and sinister and extremely pessimistic about my condition (unless it had anything to do with being fit enough to sign police bureaucracy) and about my not moving at all, saying that I would be paralyzed forever if I moved just a tiny little bit. Also she said I would need to wear a brace for many months, IF my leg ever allowed me to walk, and in general her prognosis for my stay in a hospital was something like 8 monthsWhen I heard this I couldn't believe it. "8 Months?!?!" it was the first thing I had exclaimed in a loud voice for hours. But I didn't believe it all the same. Sure I would be out and about very soon. Sure sure sure. These doctors probably have never even heard of spontaneous healing.

I don't know what else happened I'm afraid. But there finally was a time where I could see some more of my friends and it was so nice to see them and they were all great, only I was having a very hard time to communicate with anyone because I was so very tired. However, I was always trying to pull myself up on the handle over my bed, desperately trying to be able to speak to them a little more upright and not just be lying there like a vegetable. It didn't work, only I didn't stop. I pulled with one arm, then with the other arm I must've looked like a squirming worm until Dr.Lipska would stop telling me to move immediately.

Anyway, I didn't even have the energy to speak to the friends very long, and even less when I was not squirming about, because I would start drifting back into delirium as soon as my eyes closed. After all, I must've been awake nearly the entire week since it had been impossible to get any sleep during this entire nightmare, and I had already been exhausted before the demo even started. I think that I just went into a total catatonia at this point. Also I had been given immense amounts of pain medication, despite which I could still feel the pain.

I know there was one very interesting conversation (though I've forgotten what it was now) between Sergio and my mother, which I was following closely despite my tranquility, when suddenly doctors came in and interrupted the discussion by saying they now needed to prepare my leg for transport. They asked if people would prefer to leave because it wasn't going to be very nice to watch, but everyone wanted watch. Me, I didn't watch because my eyes, as well as my teeth, were tightly clenched in numbed agony. I only heard the power saw as they removed various parts of the construction, which they had drilled through my foot. When it was all over I was really a "free person". The metal bar going through my heel was no longer attached to anything. I was ready for transport.

Time was short now.

The ambulance was already on its way, all the way from Vienna and I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave my friends, so much wanted to stay with them, SO so so much.

Finally they were here with me, finally I could see them and I had been either too surrounded by "procedures" or too catatonic on medication and exhaustion to communicate with them. All I needed was a proper nights sleep and I could have a great time with everyone. Then I could stop straining myself now, to stay conscious enough to speak to people and see everyone, but just tell them to come back again tomorrow and finally fall into the deep, deep sleep that I had been about to fall into for the whole day. I didn't want to leave everyone in this state. I couldn't even say good-bye to anyone. I didn't even know who all was there, because my eyes were so heavy

But I went along with the solution of going to Vienna, only because I was afraid that the police would try to capture me again and in this condition I would just make trouble for everyone else.

I knew there was a lot of other people still in the jails of Prague, surely people were very busy to get them all out and wouldn't have time to make sure that I didn't disappear again. In Vienna at least I was halfway safe. I wanted to be safe. Normally this would not be a priority, but now I only wanted to be safe.

There was still some extremely heavy discussion going on between my mother and Sergio. Sergio wanted to get some other medical opinion, he didn't want me to be taken away, in fact he was intensely against it and tried to stop it from happening. Everything became very crazy. He was getting totally outraged, because he didn't trust the decision of my being brought to Vienna. I couldn't follow it exactly but I think he thought that my life was in danger. Maybe it was because my spine was broken and he didn't want me to go 500 km in a moving vehicle. Or maybe he thought I would disappear again, I really don't know, all I could gather was the intensity of the conflict.

But there was no way to change the plan now because the ambulance arrived. Everything became very, very crazy now. It was time to take me outside. As I got wheeled out into the parking lot of the ambulance, the vibration sent shooting pain through my whole body and made me scream, one more time. Everyone freaked out because I was leaving, my mother was getting more and more angry with anyone who tried to stop this. Sergio asked me if it was my will to leave and I said that of course it wasn't. But I didn't know how to express my decision to be willing to do this against my own will, something I don't usually do in my life.

This was an exception, because I felt that maybe it was the best if I was out of the country as long as I was in this condition and as long as I was harassed by these crazy police. I didn't want any more nightmare, I couldn't deal with any more and I needed to get as far away from this place as possible,...despite wanting to stay with my friends. But it was also because I knew the friends also had a lot to do, had a lot to take care of. All the other people who were still in jail needed help. If I stayed in Prague I would only be dependent on everyone to look after my safety, maybe not disappearing again or whatever and just cause even more trouble, because I was now a vegetable..

I want to be able to look after myself and obviously I was in no condition to do that now. Despite hating to say good bye so quickly, it was really the only option now. The ambulance was not going to wait, never mind go back to Vienna without me in it. It was final. I was off.

Inside the ambulance I was sorted out with an extra big portion of morphine, which sent me off into the clouds until we reached Vienna general hospital shock room -as I found out later- in a record time of three hours, with police escort and "laissez passer" at the border. Who would've thought, after the 24 hour border crossing ordeal to get INTO the country, that I would be travelling in such style on my way back.

Of the shock room I remember nothing much, still being totally konked out. They did a lot of examining and I spent quite some hours there, but I just can't remember much beyond a few blurry images. What I know is that they didn't operate after all, despite drawing a blue line across my ankle, where they were planning to make the first incision. (And removing every item out of my hair.) But in the end they changed their mind about operating my foot, for the reasons, which I was to find out only the next day

It was too late. My leg didn't resemble in the slightest a leg anymore. It was blue and purple and swollen up to about five times it's normal size. The foot looked like a balloon, with flaming red skin, and a texture so tightly stretched that it also resembled the surface of a balloon. At the ankle the swelling caused the tissue to burst through the skin from the inside, making big black blistering bubbles appear on the surface which then burst to release liquid flesh, which then drooled down in congealed dark purple slime. Nobody wanted to open this slab of a leg.

They said that they could only operate when the leg had stopped exploding from the inside and that it was impossible to do anything at this so advanced stage of swelling. But, they said that as soon the swelling went down and the blisters dried up they would go ahead, and I just had to endure this condition for another week or so. Another news was that the joint in the ankle was irreparably destroyed, to remain at a 90 degree angle for the rest of my life.

But the swelling didn't go down and there came more blisters and more blisters, and the already exploded blisters wouldn't dry up, but continued to ooze more dark purple slime. Every time the doctors looked at my highly explosive leg they said that there was nothing one could do yet, there was nothing one could do yet.

After some weeks, the swelling did finally go down a little bit. It was still blue and purple but it was finally stopping to explode and even the blisters stopped bursting. Now I was told that, as soon as the open wounds dried up, and only as soon as they dried up, they could think about operating. Otherwise the danger of infection was too great.

But they wouldn't dry up. I found this very strange because normally when I have open wounds,
they heal very quickly. My fingers for example, which had a big chunk cut out of them only a few days ago, were already nearly completely closed. All the stitches were just getting in the way of the natural healing process, so that I cut them myself, before the usual time of ten days. But, I couldn't understand why my leg was so slow and so lifeless. It was hard to even consider this monster of a leg as a part of me,and that was a big part of itit wasn't really there anymore.

The doctors didn't say this to me for the first weeks. This frustrated me at first, because I thought they were not being honest, but when they did tell me, it freaked me out enough to understand why they hadn't told me earlier. They were worried that I was going to loose my leg. They couldn't even think about operating anything. The tissue was so destroyed that it wouldn't be able to regenerate afterwards, therefore not be able to resist infection and this would mean instant amputation. Therefore the only option, despite the doctors being very sceptical about this, was to wait and let the bones, which were all smashed into many pieces, find their way back together on their own. This was gonna be a long, long process, with the metal contraption through my leg. And then, it was very likely that the foot would be somewhat deformed, but at least I would have one.

It took some time for this to kick in, but when it did, it kicked me hard, because there was only one real explanation for this. If the bastards hadn't been playing their games with me, I could have been out walking with a cast in merely three weeks. Now I had to stay in the hospital for up to three months, with only the hope that the many smashed bone pieces would find each other in such a way, that I could eventually walk again halfway normally.

Cheers to the bastards. Not only was I driven to the point of such fear and despair to make me jump out of a window and break various bones in my body.to then, despite my critical condition, still be denied my right to communicate with the outside world, and the outside world denied every information about meand not only was I treated in most unthinkable and inhumane ways and hidden away in a storage room, ... but I was ALSO denied my right to normal and necessary medical procedures, causing devastating long term effects on my health, devastating long-term effects on my mobility and freedom.devastating effects on my life.

But, I just want to make clear, at the end of all this, thatno matter what happens, whether I have two feet or one, whether I'm a little crippled or club-footed or even if my spine would continue to hurt me as much as it does now.. I want everyone to know one thing:

There will BE NO devastating effects on my life, nor my mobility and most definitely not in the least on my freedom!

I will now be a patient (who is not really at all "patient") in this sterile and far-from-life-removed hospital for a much too long time, and sure I will go a little crazy in here, BUT.

Not to worry, because I'm so happy to be alive and I'm so happy that I DIDN'T paralyse myself... and as soon as the last person has come out of the Czech jails, I will even be able to sleep again !

And even though this condition in bed for months is totally unacceptable, I know that it's by far better than having let those police play their brutal games with me ANY MORE

Despite everything I have done to myself by jumping out of that window, it couldn't be worse than having allowed them to lock me up in those conditions, and for who knows how long.

Anyone who knows me a little, might understand how little I can accept confined spaces, and anyone who knows me, knows how impossible it is to imagine me in a hospital bed for months.

But even though I have to give up my life of travelling and living out in nature for a little while (and it's hard!) I know, that just out of principle, it's better than letting those police keep me, I'm keeping busy here, travelling with my mind, until I'm out and about again one fine day and whether I can walk or not.

I WILL MOVE !!!

See you all (at the WEF) in Davos!
I will need people to help pull me around on a snow bob

----

Hello Sergio !
Hi its still not possible for me to get email access in the hospital because they have these very prehistoric telephone plugs from the 1970s which don't want nothing to do with modems but Im gonna put this on diskette for someone else to send, so you can try to stay in contact by email and hopefully it will work the same to receive this way.

Anyway I just thought to tell you one more time some things: the van is in Praha 10, Mitaska at the police parking and there will be a FINE to pay for all the time that they didn't release it???!!! Also I really hope that nothing except the tires was destroyed by the cops AND I really hope that nothing was STOLEN, because ALL our (Gilles and mine) money was inside. I guess about 5-6000Fr and the also different currencies maybe worth a few 100$. All car papers are inside as well as my adress book with all very important adresses of the last seven years worldwide. And many personal items of irreplacable value like my yellow bag (though I don't think anyone would want to touch it
without plastic gloves)

Then there's some more I have to say; which is very upsetting for me right now because allthough Im not in jailIm still imprisoned in this metal cage drilled through my foot. And for the past three weeks Ive been far from a window (despite several emotional outbursts begging for one) in front of horrible wallpaper and I have seen NO SUN NO MOON NO SKY NO TREE and I havent had a breath of fresh air..

At night I cannot sleep and I have been forbidden the only substance which would help me to sleep. I STILL have lot of pain almost all the time and I cannot move-only a little.

I don't want to sound like Im whining but I admit I am going a little crazy here. (very limited visits etc.)
Also because I keep finding out more and more details about my injury:

They say its very important to operate these smashed bones, because they're so smashed all over the place, but they CANT operate because the tissue is too destroyed and they're afraid this could lead to amputation. But I find out slowly WHY this isand basically the reason for this and the reason for the only alternative, being in this very exagerated piercing through my leg and unable to even attempt putting my foot on the ground for another 16 weeksIf all goes WELL.
is because under NORMAL circumstances this kind of break has to be operated IMMEDIATELY, not in three days when all the tissue has already exploded from the inside and the risk of infection make it impossible to operate. I have only now completely realized thatif I hadnt been in their fucking custody and DETAINED for so long , but turned over to the austrian embassy or let me be brought to vienna, or maybe even RELEASED to go to a normal hospital (with sane treatment) to do the necessary medicinal procedures (am I dreaming or did the doctor even say at one time: "NORMALLY, in this case we would have operated immediately, but we didn't KNOW what was going to HAPPEN with her.." THIS is WHY now Im going to maybe spend christmas in here (not that I care about christmas) and this is why it is possible, because bones are starting to grow sideways through my leg,, that I could in fact LOOSE my foot in the end ANYWAY, despite everything avoided. This is the WORST case, and I don't think it will happen (hope so), but I AM gonna LOOSE my mind for the next three months at least,..and otherwise I could have been walking (in a cast) in merely three WEEKS, with a normally healed leg after.

Anyway , maybe it will be okay in the end, growing together by itself (the doctors are sceptical) which is the only option right now. In any case, the way the bones are looking it is quite a chance that my foot will be deformed, but hopefully able to walk halfway normally (not completely normally because of the destroyed sprunggelenk).

And I have to tell you something:

I KNOW it was MY "choice" to jump, but despite ALL this Im going through right now,
Is it WORSE than whats happening to the others who are still inside ?

Like the police chief said:" Aber sie hatte doch gar nichts zu befuerchten!" FUCKING BASTARDS
I cannot believe, for myself, that I, for myself STILL CANNOT SAY ­despite all this I just told you- WETHER OR NOT I REGRET MY JUMP. Who knows where I'd be otherwiseIf they are still keeping 16yr olds who have been charged with only a broken windowwhen I was charged with assaulting 3 police officers.Who knows what they would have done to me, or what they might have broken in there , maybe they would have smashed my head by now, maybe I would have done it myself

I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I REGRET THE JUMP AND I STILL DON'T KNOW IF I WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN, allthough Im hating every day of my life in this horrible metal contraption through my leg, the pain, the sterility, the minimum of freedom and the fear of being crippled for ever.but when I think about the people who are still inside, I STILL don't know if it was a mistake.

(That is why Im so glad that it was at least possible to-as some people might put it- instrumentalize 'me' for political leverage.don't worry I don't feel instrumentalized, on the contrary it feels like at least I can help in some way, despite my being a vegetable).

Please, don't let those bastards get away with this. Even if ­in my case- our only chance is to sue them for leaving their fucking window open during the interrogation, which surely it isn't . And Im sorry for my whining I KNOW other people are a lot worse off, I Know and I can't wish it for anyone. NOBODY should be having to go through this and nobody should be allowed to do this to people. Im sorry but Im raging inside and theres not much I can do in bed with excessive aggressive energy. But I will always feel better when I think about the kind of people in the world who are like you.

Love you,

Chris

   
   
   

 

 
   
         

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