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Chris Fisch © 2000

 

 
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Suddenly, there came in three people and with them they brought three chairs and a typewriter, which they barricaded around my bed in the small space of the supply room.

"WHAT's happening ?" I asked from beneath my only protection of blankets.

They introduced themselves as something like a prosecution judge, a lawyer ­ who said he was MY lawyer, a guy typing and the usual brigade of body guards, who made sure I didn't leap out of bed and assault anyone all of a sudden.
I told the lawyer straight away that I didn't have ANY money at all to pay him, just to get that straight before anything happened, but he said that he was from oph and that it was all arranged. He asked me why I did such stupid things. "Like what ?" I said.

"Like jumping out windows."

Then I was supposed to speak to the judge. I told her EVERYTHING everything, and it was very easy for me because it needed to come out anyway. I told her about the conditions in the jails, about the inTERRORgation, I listed her all the illegal actions preformed by the police. I told her the reason for my coming to Prague and the reason for jumping out of the window. I told her about the inhumane treatment in the hospital, and about the violation of all my most basic rights, from the moment that I was illegally arrested up to the moment right now. ...and it was all very emotional because I was so upset. But it was so easy to tell her everything,because it was all so painfully true. "And I'm INNOCENT!" I told her and looked her directly in the eyes.

They asked me several questions about all sorts of stuff, which I unfortunately cannot remember.

But at least I was finally in the presence of my lawyer who can fill in the blanks and I could suddenly let 'my lawyer' take care of all this bizarre legal palaver and patiently listen to whatever they had to say to me in Czech. Eventually, after a lot of back and forth and answering more questions, they all suddenly disappeared out of the room, only to return some minutes later with a decision made by the judge which then read out loud to me.

Of course, I can't remember the whole thing because it was all legal talk, but towards the end, the statement which I found most important was: "and because of the circumstance of her injury, the judge has decided to liberate the accused person.something somethingand the accused person is therefore free to go, until further legal action is taken."

"What?!" I said "It's finished everything? I'm free now? We can finally stop with all this stuff? Can I see my friends now, please can I see them now?"

The lawyer, (who was very nice, but I think he would have preferred for me to be less bouncy/jumpy in front of the judge) explained that I was still accused of the same charges and I still had to go to court. But, I was released for the moment, since I couldn't escape in my condition and apparently also because of his presence, and the presence of all the press and all the people outside, besieging the hospital. (And because they were shitting themselves.) I was aware of this, that I was still accused and had to face court and everything. But I had only meant that I was free to go NOW, for the moment, because THIS very moment was ALL that counted for me, right now...

For some reason, I still had a ban on my seeing anyone. They said I should wait until the next morning. I decided to ask the lawyer to please take the car keys, which I had hidden away in the bandage of my hand, out to someone who could make sure my van was safe. But I was still so under shock from the never ending abuse which I had gone through in the last days, that it seemed like I was now at a point where I was no longer able to TRUST anyone. The car keys and my passport were both hidden away, like my biggest, most valuable treasure. Nobody had ever found them, even during my sedation and I was guarding them with my life. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but at this stage it was an immense step for me, to trust ANYone, even my lawyer, with my keys to give to Sergio. But it seemed like the nightmare was slowly starting to open its clutches, to make way for something that almost felt like HOPE.

Outside my window I could see a lot of police cars. Ironically, it was a good sign. A lot of police meant a lot of people who had come to help me. They were HERE! People knew where I was, .. it was such a relief. Surely they wouldn't leave me in this mess, surely they were doing everything to get me out of here. It was one of the happiest moments in my life!

I don't know why exactly I couldn't see anyone yet. And why nobody could see me. Also, my chronology is so confused, that I don't know if maybe this was because they wanted to do the thing with drilling through my foot now, or if that had already happened before.(I would have to ask the lawyer if he saw my foot pierced inside a metal contraption or not. One couldn't miss it). If it was now that they decided to drill through my foot, it obviously meant that they wanted to fix my leg properly, BEFORE anyone came to see it, but I just can't remember when it was that this happened.

I do know that the next morning suddenly everything was completely different. Nobody was abusive to me anymore. Even the policewoman, who was still my constant bodyguard, was halfway normal to me. One time she even condescended to take my bedpan out, something she would've never done before. Also I was finally taken out of the small supply room and put into a big regular hospital room with three beds and a view over pine treesall to myself !
Everybody was so unrealistically kind to me, laughing with me, joking with me, despite my only looking at them all with a totally confused face.

One doctor said with a big smile: "You're the star of the Czech republic"

All morning I was waiting in my luxurious big room that my friends would finally come through the door, but it was always hospital staff and people who I don't know exactly what they were, coming to fuss about me, making sure everything was perfect. Also, with a big smile they said: "At 12 o'clock press conference!" as they walked out of the room, to leave me there thinking that now everyone had really gone crazy. They announced a press conference to me, without even asking me anything about it beforehand and still I was kept here in this room, without my friends being allowed in to see me and me being able to see them. God, how strange all this was. But, I figured if they were letting the press in, then surely my friends couldn't be turned away either. It could only be a matter of few hours now.

One time I heard a lot of commotion outside the door and when it finally opened, there came in an absolutely huge number of doctors and they all crowded in to fill up the entire 3-bed room, to absolutely STARE at me in total amazement. They asked me a load of questions about my condition, my concussion, about how I was feeling and whether "I had been raped by the police". Of course I said: "No!" and I think I may have added: "I'd NEVER let them."
They didn't stay long, but it was very intense because I just couldn't imagine where they all came from, since so far I had only gotten to see the same people all the time. And all of THEM were being extremely horrible to me and most certainly not too concerned about whether I was feeling all right

And then I really have trouble with remembering what all still happened, it was just so much, and surely my chronology may be somewhat twisted sometimes., but anyway, there was eventually that most beautiful, long awaited moment that I had been waiting for all morning and of course, the past three horrible daysthe door opened, and in came a FRIEND !!!

It was SO incredible, just so so incredible, that there's unfortunately no words which could really describe this momentThe first person I see to arrive is Wolfgang, and then, right after came in Sergioso excited and wow.he was so extremely, intensely concerned about me.

There was an incredible hugging session, which was so beautiful it's way beyond anything words could ever express. I was so relieved like never before in my life, I really do think that I've never been so relieved in my entire life, except for maybe the few times that I just barely escaped death.

And then, I don't know,everything was just too crazy for words and I just don't remember exactly what all happened because it just became SO wild. All this time I hadn't been able to see ANYONE, I'd been completely cut off from every and any kind of contact with the outside world and now, all of a sudden it was EVERYBODY there AT ONCE. And somehow this also seemed to prevent any sensible form of communication. The only thing I had really hoped for was to be able to be with my friends and try to finally find a possibility to relieve myself from the horrors of the past three days. I really needed some peace. But I wasn't going to get any of that now, that was for sure..

(I wish my memory wouldn't be so blurry. but luckily this complete sensory overload which caused me to fall into such a haze at this stage can be filled in by the other people who were now present in the room.)

I remember that there was an assault of press reporters, which Sergio and Wolfgang managed to drive out of the room. Also, what I found very disturbing, extremely irritating in fact, was that the hospital staff, in particular that red-haired nurse who had been SO awful to me, suddenly changed her face COMPLETELY in front of all the press and the people. Suddenly she slimed up to all the activists who came to see me and gave me big smiles all the time, as if she were my best friend I really felt like smacking her for being so false and I'm glad I didn't have to see how people like her were talking to the media outside, because I would've surely thrown a fit.

When all excessive audience was driven out of the room I gave some interviews to only the small amount of people who could stay. There was a few video and photo cameras, and I remember speaking speaking speaking,like a waterfall,like an explosion.but I don't remember it, as though I wasn't even there (anyway, it's on video). Basically I was just giving a full account of the entire nightmare in random bits and pieces. And I don't know whether it had anything to do with the medication that I had been given,but
I was just going on and on and on..

During the interview, when I seemed as high as a kite, I had nearly no pain, but slowly it started to come back. And very soon it was again so unbearable that I went into convulsive, near epileptic spasms of agony, until I was given a megadose of some kind of synthetic morphine, recommended by one of the friends who went to ask for it. And this time they finally couldn't deny me pain medication, like they had all along (except for local anaesthesia for drilling). From then on I disappeared into a cushion of clouds, to remain present, but floating

Friends crowded in, but only in very small groups. It was wonderful to hug people. But everything was always very hectic, everyone seemed stressed and under a lot of tension. Outside in the corridor there seemed to be all kinds of crazy stuff going on. I wished everybody could just sit down and take it easy, but there was just so much happening, and I guess the other people weren't on as much morphine as me.

At some point my mother arrived and of course she was totally freaked out. I didn't know how she knew, what she knew or who had informed her, but I felt immediately sorry for having caused her one more nervous breakdown, and her tension made me want to disappear under the blankets. All I wanted was for everyone to just relax a little bit. It was holiday for me now. I felt finally safe and sure that nothing bad could happen to me anymore. I was so relieved that I could for the first time even think about releasing my own extreme tension and anxiety that I had been in for the last three days, that I now couldn't quite put up with everyone else's. And my mother had a LOT of it, MUCH too much

Together with my mother the consulate arrived, who was also totally on high speed. He made everyone leave the room, so that it was only my mother, Sergio and him. They spoke a lot. The consulate, like Sergio, was totally outraged at what was happening here. He said that he found out about an "Austrian jumping out of a police station window" from the newspaper -or TV, I don't remember- and that the Ministry of Interior informed NOTHING to him, which REALLY pissed him off.

Now he was here to "consulate" with the police to let me leave the country and to let me be brought to a hospital in Austria. I don't know exactly how all this went about, because this was happening outside in the corridor or somewhere. In the meantime Sergio and my mother had a very heated debate

It was so strange, but it seemed like as soon as I had finished with my machine-gun like interview, I fell into total exhaustion and delirium. I guess this was partially due to the strong pain medication. (Makes me still wonder what I was on during the interview, because I also had little pain, yet I was on such total high speed. Some people thought that I had been given something that would make me speak a lot to the press.) But also I think it may have been a psychological reaction to my mothers over-stressful and accusatory attitude towards all the people I loved.

I think the first thing she did was to literally attack Sergio, releasing most of her explosive stress immediately on him, as if he was responsible for my injury, hysterically telling him things like: "The next time YOU jump yourself, okay?" I groaned under my blanket. I knew this was going to be only the beginning, if she already started out like this. I made some attempts to stop her, but I was now in such a deep cloudy haze that I could hardly speak. I wish I'd have had the energy to say something more than just the few barely audible words.

Outside there was an incredible storm of reporters. Sergio (who was very "in-tense" instead of just tense) said to my mother that this "press conference" had been arranged by the hospital, which apparently was controlled by the Ministry of Interior since the moment I arrived and was also working hand in hand with the police. And THEY had arranged for this press conference to take place WITH the police and that the police ONLY was speaking to the press right now, outside in the corridor.

Personally, I didn't know why we didn't just tell the press the truth. I didn't really understand why we were letting them speak to only the police and not give them our version of what had really been happening in the last three days. I would've gladly told them everything,but Sergio and my mother were very intent on getting them all out and away from the doorand anyway I was having a harder and harder time staying conscious. Everything around me was so hectic, it was all so blurry for me. I wanted everybody to just chill out. My body and my mind were so tired. My eyes kept closing and I could hardly speak, but I was listening.

Sergio did his very best to try and explain everything to my mother very rationally. I was glad he was doing this, because this way I could listen, as he went through the whole entire story of what had been going on outside and inside this crazy hospital in the most brisk and to the point detail. (As usual, but even more brisk and incredibly fast-paced than usual). He told her everything that people on the outside had been doing for the past days and from what he was telling, it must've been an absolutely manic time for everyone. He was more emotional and full-on than even I had ever seen him. He said many things, which sounded absolutely horrendous and many times I wanted to ask something, but it seemed like I was totally incapable of speaking. Still, I was listening to every word he said.

My mother was also horrified but instead of listening to what he was trying to tell her, she was getting very angry with him, and never stopped making him responsible for my injury. When I heard this, I strained myself to say something, loud enough to be heard, begging her to stop accusing HIM for something that I did, I meanwhat did she think anyway? That I jumped out of the window because someone told me to? Maybe she was mistaking my life with hers, but I simply couldn't bear this attitude towards him, and it hurt me so much.

But clearly Sergio understood that she was simply panicking and continued trying to explain WHAT was really going on here. He told her everything that people had to do the past days to even be able to FIND me. There had been a total information embargo on me. The hospital, which had been under the control of the Ministry of Interior, had denied that there even was a person by my name here. He tried to make clear to her that the staff of the hospital COULD NOT be trusted and that there were in fact very dark and sinister forces involved in all of this, whose aim had been to sweep the whole story under the carpet. He said that very possibly my life had been in danger, had it not been for ONE phone call, one woman who, despite the embargo on me, seeped through the information about my jumping out of the window and being in a hospital. Otherwise, they would have tried to make me disappear, and it would've been actually quite easy, because NOBODY knew where I was.

He went on to say that, when people finally did find me, they were denied access to the hospital and even arrested in front of filming TV cameras, when they tried to advance to be able to see me. He told her about my having been arrested illegally and badly mistreated in the jail, to then be charged for crimes which I didn't commit, frightening me to the point of jumping out the window. He told her that this hospital I was brought to and under the control of the Ministry of the Interior, did not only put an information embargo on me, but also continued to abuse and even torture me.

But her only interpretation of everything he said was that all this was only "radical conspiracy theories, over-exaggeration, manipulation, and instrumentalization' and that it was all happening on my costs. She actually thought that I was being 'used' for the purpose of int'l campaigns and some kind of political leverage strategy. She started shouting at him that the next time he should put himself in my position, instead of using other people, although he had just told her earlier to what extreme measures he had gone, to be able to get access to me, including getting himself arrested. Not one time did she think to thank him, that it was actually due to him and the immense solidarity campaigns and worldwide anti-repression protests, as well as the hype created by the media, that it was even POSSIBLE to get me out of custody. Before all this pressure was made, I had been denied even the most basic of rights to be able to have a lawyer, never mind be liberated from custody, so that SHE too could see me now. But she seemed not to see it like that.

It was so too much for me, that despite my strong medication, the stress made the pain come back again. (I did notice that it got worse every time there was a heated conflict and settled down when there was only friends around me.) I tried to contain her anger one more time, but I wasn't even heard. I don't know, maybe it was just a whisper. Butdidn't she realize ­if she cared so much about my welfare- that this, what she was doing now, was killing me? That, in fact, this was coming close to just another form of torture in terms of psychological warfare, which I had just had to go through enough. Was it necessary to continue the nightmare? When I FINALLY get to see the people that I love, that I then cannot even as much as speak to them, because they're too busy fighting with each other. It was just beyond belief, one more time

Eventually the consulate returned, saying that there were some legal formalities and police procedures to undergo with the authorities which prohibited me from leaving the country. Surely they wanted me to come and take me to the police hospital, I thought, until I was ready for prison. I didn't even want to open my eyes. It was not something I could deal with now. I was so so exhausted and deeply sinking into my bed, I didn't want to listen to any more police procedures.

The police were being, as usual, completely irrational. They suddenly burst in, just when I was drifting through clouds of nothing, and like through a distant void I heard them say something about my having to sign some papers. I couldn't believe it when I recognized the speech disordered hiccup voice of the translator. I opened carefully one delirious eye to see what was going on. There he was, the translator, in company of some gorilla looking police official with a bunch of papers in hand for me to sign. Were they NEVER going to stop with this stuff ??

I mean seriously, it was like they were suffering no more than a tragic mental illness. Always running around self-importantly, with all their papers and strange rules and regulations, which everybody except they themselves had to keep to, molesting and harassing people who obviously were in no condition to deal with their unfortunate obsessive behaviour.

And that translator, who did he think he was to dare come here and look me in the face after what had happened. HOW could he come here, after what he and the likes of him did to me and have the nerve to continue to pester me with their ridiculous papers and procedures? Couldn't he see for himself that I was in no state to respond to anything right now. If I couldn't even bring up enough energy to speak to my mother and my friends, surely they didn't expect me to endure their never-ending nonsense.

But they were insisting that I needed to endure it and so I had to listen to the translators bizarre monotonous hiccup interrupted palaver, as he read to me a long paragraph concerning something about studying my files Maybe I just thought this, but I do think that I also said, that I couldn't possibly sign something, when I forgot the beginning of the paragraph, by the time he reached the end and that I simply didn't have the concentration to listen to him right now.

I think what happened next was that they returned with a woman, who introduced herself as "Dr.Lipska, THE doctor in charge of me". Again I opened one delirious eye to see that I had NEVER seen her before. Somehow she reminded me immensely of the typical Russian spy lady from a James Bond movie, with blond prim hair and thin tightly pressed lips. Her purpose here was to give a hard and clear statement that I was under NO debilitating influence of medication and that I was FIT to SIGN. How somebody who I had never seen before, could know so well how I was feeling was remarkable.

So again I let myself be read the long paragraph about "studying my files". Because it still didn't make total sense to me what they were on about, I asked Sergio to explain in a language that I could understand what it was they were saying. He said that it meant I had to sign that I be present in some kind of legal procedure, where they were going to give me access to my files to study them, in order to get further insight into my case or something. It seemed absurd to me.
I said I didn't need to study any files to know that I was innocent. I KNEW that I hadn't done anything, why should I have to study any files? I already knew what really happened, I WAS THERE MYSELF, so WHY would I have to study any files?

But that didn't seem to satisfy them and they didn't seem to accept a reply that made any sense.

All they wanted, was a signature, and they pestered and pestered. If it had been up to them, they would've taken me straight to the police hospital, and kept me there, until the day of my court case. They just wouldn't leave. Nobody else could continue the conversation they had been involved in because again the police had to have center stage and be most important. It made me angry that such ignorant people were given so much power.

Because they were irritating me so much, I finally told them to give me their papers so that I could sign them. I didn't actually intend to sign them at all, but only write clearly at the bottom of their incomprehensible paragraph: "I don't need to study any files to know that I am Innocent" and maybe also "PLEASE leave me alone". But I never got to do that because Sergio, who thought I was really going to sign, said: "No, no, no, don't do it, Chris!" I didn't want to go through a long explanation of what I was intending to do, so I just closed my eyes again, hoping they would eventually go away on their own if they were ignored long enough.

In the meantime Sergio was on the mobile, (which had been ringing at two-minute intervals since he arrived) talking to the lawyer to ask whether he could represent me in this "studying the files procedure". The main problem, why it was so impossible for me to be present to study any files was simply that, if I was going to be transferred to a hospital in Austria, how could I be in Prague on the 3.Oct. (which was the date for this to happen). And how important was it really for me to be there. At least I think that's what all this was about. But of course I could be completely wrong, because everything was happening a little beyond my cognitive capacity

   
   
   

 

 
   
         

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