Chapter 6 - Where the WOOZLE possibly wasn't
In which One Hundred Acre Wood may or may not have been threatened by a mystery virus

"Atchoooooo!” Piglet sneezed, his nose buried in a wet handkerchief.

"My dose feels a little fuddy today”, thought Piglet. “I think I’ll go see Owl and see if he can’t give me a little something to make me feel better".

And so Piglet put on his favourite woolly jumper and got out his outdoor coat, and set out to go and see Owl.

But just as he was about to leave his house, Piglet heard a very loud noise.

"STAY IN YOUR HOUSES!” came a crackly voice from outside.

"Who, me?”, said Piglet, not quite knowing what to do.

"STAY IN YOUR HOUSES IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU”, replied the voice. “AND THAT MEANS YOU TOO, PIGLET”

“Ah,” said Piglet. And he turned around to put his coat down, and took off his favourite woolly jumper, and put on a pot of tea.

“ATTENTION ANIMALS OF ONE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD. WE ARE THE WOOZLE. We rise like a tornado or tempest -- a force so extraordinarily swift and violent that no power, however great, will be able to suppress it.”

“Oh”, thought Piglet to himself, “It's probably best to stay in, then.”

Then a Small Thought crossed Piglet’s mind. He shouldn’t be taking this lying down, no matter how woozy he felt. For he was in charge of the People’s Committee, now that Pooh had retired to take care of things with the Army.

“Now listen here,” said Piglet, summoning up his full authoritative squeak. “You can’t come into One Hudred Acre Wood and just decide what’s going to happen. We’ve got cobbittees for that sort ob thing.”

“HAHAHA”, laughed the Woozle. “LET’S SEE YOU SAY THAT WHEN YOUR LUNGS ARE FULL OF BILE, LITTLE PIG.”

“Really?,” thought Piglet. “We’ll see aboud that. Atchoooooo!”

And so Piglet set about addressing the flaws in the committee system. Clearly, there had been some sort of mistake. Committees failing the people in such egregious fashion demanded stern and immediate action. Piglet picked up the phone, and tugged on it. At the other end of the piece of string that connected Pooh and Piglet’s houses, Pooh picked up the receiver.

“Hallo, Pooh?”

“Piglet, is that you?”

“Hallo, Pooh!” said Piglet, very pleased that Pooh was at home and awake.

“We deed to talk”

“We do what to talk?” said Pooh.

“We deed to talk, Pooh”, said Piglet.

“We deed to talk?” said Pooh. “Is that like We Stoop to Conquer?”

“Pooh! This is serious! The committee system has gone wrong.”

“Tush, Piglet,” said Pooh.

“REALLY!”, said Piglet,his voice getting hoarser and woozier by the minute.

”What’s the matter?” asked Pooh.

“Well, there’s someone outside with a big megaphone who says we can’t go out because they’re the WOOZLE.”

“The WOOZLE?” asked Pooh. “THE WOOZLE? Outside your door Piglet? That’s not very good at all. Well, why don’t you come on over and we’ll have a little something and maybe a nap.”

“POOH!” said Piglet, who was (Pooh thought) beginning to sound increasingly like the WOOZLE himself. “The WOOZLE is outside my door! I can’t leave at all, or they’ll do horrid things to me!”

“Oh,” said Pooh.

After thinking for a minute Pooh offered “Isn’t there a committee to deal with this sort of thing?”

“Yes, the Workers Oligarchy On Zapping Lethal Exogeneity committee.”

“Well where are they?”

“Um, I think they’re all indoors too,” said Piglet.

“Well that’s no good. If we want to stop the WOOZLE, we’ll need to set an example. I think you should fire the entire committee.”

“Do you think that’ll stop the Woozle, Pooh?” asked Piglet.

“Definitely,” said Pooh.

And so we learn that the bourgeois irritant of "illness" can and should be cured not by the rebarbative European process of bloodletting, but by constructive dismissal of the sick parts of the body politic.

Next Month: Chapter 7: "In which Pooh and Piglet (wherever they go) unite the people, take root and blossom among them."